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I must do it in front of the others! With the others. Don't you see? I can't just expect them to... I just can't do whatever I want. As much as I love Charlotte, I just can't do it behind your mother's and Nina's backs." They know, daddy." Have you told them?" Daddy, obviously you don't know anything about us women." Oh, if you only knew what I know about women," I said in an indulgent tone of voice."So? What is that?" She asked with real curiosity."Nothing, absolutely nothing," I had to confess when thus confronted.This made her laugh and realize that I was pulling her leg. She told Charlotte so, comforting her as she had started to cry softly, not hiding her tear-stricken face from me. I kissed her tears away."It's OK. I love you, sweetheart, for as long as you want and even after that. I'll ask you to be my wife as soon as... Shit! I must go and get your mother and Tommy!" I exclaimed as I realized that the time had just flown away. "Don't you go anywhere," I said to Charlotte.. I’ve seen real fear in your eyes, that Saturday when you drove away. Please, honey, don’t ever let me see that again?”It had been more than fear; it had been a mix of a whole lot of negative emotions. Looking back on what I’d read in her face but not understood at the time, her giving me space to make my own decision had been selfless, almost heroic. Doing the right thing because she felt she owed me absolute honesty and a free pass to run away from her.She turned to me, taking her attention off the road for a few seconds, “I thought ... I thought it was all over, that it was goodbye. I don’t want to have that feeling of ... hopelessness ever again.”“Nor do I, honey, nor do I.”We were both silent for the rest of the journey. I’d been upset enough at her leaving at the time; I’d probably never fully understand what she’d had to go through, waiting for me to make my decision about whether or not I could accept her past, berating herself for risking what we had, while knowing that total.
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